Purgatory
by Sideos
Summary: Zim has been turned into a human. Now he must rebuild his life from the ground up. But does having a human body, give him a human spirit? Only time will tell, and they do say time heals all wounds no matter how deep they may be. Eventual ZAGR. No OCs.
1. Prologue

_Authors Note:_

_I'm editing out the crap that was here before. Wow I'm a serious windbag._

_Also, what's this? Sudden activity after so many years away? You damn right._

_The King of all Invader Zim fanfiction is returning, and I bring epic in my wake._

_ANYWAY, the two genres mentioned for this are very innacurate, curse this websites only two genre choices! _

_This story contains **ROMANCE, PAIN, ANGUISH, **__**HUMOUR**__**, **__** AND **__**PERSONAL GROWTH.**_

_**THERE WILL ALSO BE EVENTUAL ZAGR.  
**_

_It is a story about life. **  
**_

* * *

Zim's eyes flickered half open. He felt like he had gone through the entire of his Devastis training in a day. He couldn't move; his body ached so much. He clenched a hand, and let out a low groan. Pain shot through his arm and he clenched his teeth together and his body stiffened. This in turn only caused more pain. He took in a shuddered breath, finding that even his very insides hurt. Pain didn't explode over him. Pain only explodes when it's concentrated in one spot and then it fades just as quickly. This pain was more of a...fire that licked and burnt and tortured every cell inside him. His skin was like it was melting in rain, his insides felt like they where being kicked, painfully, into motion for the very first time. Even his very breaths made his eyes water. It was like no pain he had ever felt, or thought, or even wished upon his enemy before. And he had wished some terrible things upon his enemies.

He blacked out.

When he came around again, the sunlight was higher on the wall where it shone through the window. Zim was still in pain, but now less so then before. He was able to look around and finally take stock of his surroundings. However, his vision was...blurry. He couldn't seem to be able to focus well on anything. Things shimmered and waved around him, but, thankfully, they where slowly gaining some solidarity.

He was surrounded by white, sterile white, in a small room. He was lying on a hospital bed, which had white sheets and a blue blanket across it. In the corner was a wooden chair and above him, circling the bed, was a curtain rail, with the curtain pulled to the right of him. To the far right was a window, of which a not-to-late afternoon sun was shining through, and a brown wooden door to his left. He suddenly noticed something that was also to his left, a drip. It was filled with a translucent liquid, and it was attached to his arm. He immediately went to remove it, but then he noticed something about his arm.

It wasn't green.

It was an ill looking white. He, despite the pain that pulsed thought it, lifted it up, inspecting it. He slowly, trembling, moved it closer, so he could get a better view as his vision was still blurry. It was his arm, it had to be, the pain was telling him so. But...this was a _human_ arm. His eyes travelled to his palm, four fingers and a thumb, un-gloved, thin and bony. He looked from the palm to the back of this hand and to the palm again, eyes wide in shock. The pain suddenly seemed to descend to a dull pulsing numbness, and a sinking sick feeling began to boil in his squeedly spooch, or what he assumed to be his squeedly spooch. He flexed his fingers, clenching his hand into a weak fist and open again. They responded...but...this was impossible.

Zim decided he needed to find a mirror, fast.

He forced himself upright, his body yelling a refusal, but Zim ignored it. His brain noted the surprising ease at which he had done that, almost like his PAK wasn't weighting him down. But he brushed this off as impossible, as he couldn't live without his PAK.

He pulled the drip from his arm, noticing with some horror that his right arm was just like his left.

He grimaced as he swung his legs over the edge of the bed. Then he stopped, his eyes widening again. He had toes. His feet were the same ill white colour of his arms. He moved his foot, silently gasping in horror that it was _his_ foot. His insides sank quicker, and he could almost taste sick at the back of his throat.

He saw that he was wearing a pair of white hospital pants, and a pull at his shirt he saw he was wearing a white hospital t-shirt.

He narrowed his eyes, and forced himself to stand. The pain in his legs was almost unbearable. It felt like this was the first time he had ever even stood. He tried to take a step, but he couldn't balance. A sudden feeling of dizziness became him, and he shut his eyes tight, trying to gain a sense of up and down. He fell. He hit the cold, polished hospital floor with a sharp yelp and a vicious kick of pain.

"What's happened to me?" He growled out quietly, swallowing back vomit from his dizziness. He sat up, against the bed and ran a hand along his head.

He froze.

His antenna had gone. Both hands flew to his head, searching for his precious antenna. Without them, he couldn't balance, he couldn't hear anything or pick up on his surroundings, or even display emotion properly. They were one of the most essential appendices of an irken body. To lose even half of it just one antenna could reduce an irken to the level of a cripple. But, while implants and surgery can repair antenna, one would be severally looked down upon. Something left over from ancient times, some strange idea that no one was sure where it had started, but to lose an antenna was to be greatly shamed.

Zim was panicking now. Things where spinning out of control and he couldn't see any way of getting that control back. He had lost his antenna, and his skin felt strange, and defiantly not irken. His fingers were…human, like his feet, and he had lost his antenna.

The need for a mirror rose again.

Zim decided that if he couldn't walk, then he would crawl across the floor on his hands and knees. It was degrading, but at least he could actually get somewhere. He managed to get to the chair on the other side of the room, despite almost falling on his side once or twice and his body screaming in agonising protest. He pulled himself up and sat, panting. He closed his eyes again as he let the pain of his journey fade from his body.

He opened his weary eyes and looked over at the window on the wall. There was a plant pot on the window ledge. Zim remembered its name began with a D or something.

It was a simple thing, with a short stem, two leaves and a yellow flower head that looked out of the window. Zim suddenly spotted that the flower had a reflection and his eyes widened. He could use the window to look at himself!

This realisation fuelled Zim to get up from the chair. But he had forgotten that he couldn't walk, and so he stumbled quickly into the wall. He leaned heavily against it and drunkenly made his way towards the window. He thanked his luck that he was now tall enough to look out of it.

He reached the window ledge, and grabbed it with one hand. He was panting heavily, hunched over. His legs, arms and body were still screaming in pain. It was like he had never used them before. Like these were the first steps he had ever made, the first breaths, the first time he had ever grabbed something with his arm.

Zim took a long, deep breath and studied himself, raising himself achingly upright.

Surly, whatever had happened to him, couldn't be so bad.

He was wrong. So very wrong. Everything around him faded away, there was only him and his reflection and the plant. He saw his eyes widen. His reddish-brown _human_ eyes look at him. His _human_ nose. His _human_ ears. He had no hair on his head, no eyebrows, but no antenna. He watched his jaw drop in silent horror and he looked at his _human_ teeth. His thin face, ghostly reminiscent of the one he used to see in the mirror only yesterday.

For a moment, there was no pain. He felt like he was floating on nothing. Then, the world came back, as did the pain. And the sickness. He threw up onto the floor. And fell backwards. He scurried away from the window, not wanting look at himself anymore. He closed his eyes tight and shielded his eyes with his arms, but he could still see that...human staring back at him. That wasn't him, that couldn't be him, it was impossible.

Zim couldn't stop himself shaking violently. He knew he was going into shock. He could hear himself screaming, but he wasn't sure if he really was.

There was an echo of a door opening, then someone calling his name.

Then it didn't hurt anymore.

Then he drifted into unconsciousness as his body and mind shut down.

* * *

_The forces of Sid are gathering._

_Chapters are being forged in the fires Zeetha, the personal laptop of the fallen king._

_Clouds of uploading are gathering upon the horizon._

_PREPARE FOR PURGATORY._


	2. The Human Condition

Zim was scared. How did this happen? How _could_ this happen? Had he been captured by these wretched humans and forced to become one of them? Or was this some kind of elaborate and cruel trick pulled by his enemy, Dib? He bet it was and he scowled as his… his fingers gripped the pillow tightly. He felt nothing but white hot rage. However, deeper than that he felt a great hollow pit of loss and grief inside him, eating away at his heart.

He refused to even acknowledge this, it was safer right now for him to keep in denial about this, or at least keep only on the surface. The mental shock was too great for him to handle. Instead, he kept to his bed, his body feeling painful and weak, like he'd been hit with a train. His mind still tried to grasp onto how this could have happened to him, how he could have _let_ this happen to him. He had to think of a way out of this. He was Zim after all, he couldn't let a tiny hiccup like becoming-no, _temporarily_ becoming human stop him.

Yes, the moment he could he'd get back to fighting the Dib-stink and taking over the world. He just had to get back to his lab and find a cure for this... condition. Zim liked that word for this, a condition.

He slowly pushed himself over onto his back, wincing as he did so. He felt odd, the feeling of where his PAK used to be was digging into him, yet he knew he was lying flat on the bed. He let a tiny smirk appear on his lips, heh, phantom PAK syndrome. A sudden thought hit him and a quick panic set in. His PAK was missing.

Did the humans have it? Did Dib have it? What where they doing with it? If they had managed to get into its hard drive they would have access to everything, military codes, stratagems, a direct link to the massive and a complete map of the Empire. Wait no-he took a small breath and gripped the sheets, there was no way they could have it. If it hadn't completely locked itself down by now to be impenetrable to all but Irken hands than it would have self-destructed, taking out half a block with it.

Yes, he was safe... well, apart from the fact his PAK might be gone. Without his PAK he couldn't live when he changed back. He frowned again, annoyed at his own chain of thoughts, why did his brilliant mind have to keep pointing out things which were wrong? It didn't usually do this! He grunted to himself. Well, he could always wire his body to his base computer, it would work as a proto-PAK until he got a new one.

That would be embarrassing, ordering a new PAK online from the Empire. He'd have to use Gir or someone to order it for him.

GIR! Well, at least there was some hope for rescue from this place! A very tiny hope, but hope! Gir was hit by the same beam as Zim, but as a robot, there was no way he'd be changed! HA! The Tallest may have given him an experimental and, admittedly, buggy SIR unit, but sometimes Gir really paid off.

He just hoped that Gir had the smarts not to do anything highly destructive whilst he was in this human hospital.

Zim's now sharp rust brown eyes looked along the ceiling, slowly tracing the boring square-by-square pattern. This was the worst thing to have ever, ever happened to him. He'd rather be turned back into a sausage again than be a human. He bet he stank badly, at least his superior Irken senses had been dulled so that he didn't have to put up with his terrible smell.

There was a sudden knock on the door and the young man froze, his eyes widening. Immediately he screamed out, "GO AWAY! ZIM IS FINE!" His throat hurt immensely but he was glad to hear that he didn't sound any different than in his normal self.

The door opened slowly and the one person Zim really, _really_ didn't want to see at that moment poked his huge head in. Dib. The little... how dare he show up now and gloat over his immense victory to Zim.

Zim wasn't sure how best to respond. He could keep quiet and ignore his enemy, which would probably be the smart thing to do, but Zim was never one for the smart thing.

"DIB!" Zim screeched, throwing the covers from himself and looking right at his young nemesis, his eyes blazing with hate, "LOOK WHAT YOU'VE DONE TO ME!"

The young teen stood at the door, his eyes growing wide in shock. He seemed completely speechless at the sight of the bald human boy before him. "... holy crap."

Dib had changed in the last two years since Zim had arrived on earth, although not by much. He had grown a little taller, enough to start looking down on Zim, which of course Zim hated. His hair was the same, the long scythe-like lock leapt from his head and the rest of his coal black hair. His eyes were still the same golden brown colour, magnified by his circle classes that rested on his upturned nose.

His pale cheeks and chin however were now dotted with light ache as his young body began the process of puberty. His voice had yet to break, but the signs were already there, the occasional dip and awkward sounding sentence.

Dib's trench coat was looking warn with frayed edges around the bottom and a hole in the left pocket and it no longer reached to his heels. He wasn't wearing his blue stoic face t-shirt, rather, he was wearing a black t-shirt with a large stereotypical green faced alien on the front. His boots had changed as his feet had shot up several sizes, now he had a pair of newish looking combat boots which his black jeans were pulled over.

Dib looked for all the world like a young boy on the cusp of his journey to manhood.

"Leave your pathetic gods out of this," Zim hotly replied, pulling the covers back over him, feeling somewhat exposed without them.

Dib moved into the room, shutting the door behind him and moving to the front of the bed, looking over and still speechless at the sight of Zim before him. Finally he looked away and grabbed a chair, pulling it up to the side of Zim's bed, "I can't believe you're still alive. The way you were screaming at Skool... well I thought you were a gonner. I was all ready to throw a party and everything."

"Of course I'm still alive!" Zim replied proudly, even though the anger was still in his voice. If he didn't know that the moment he got out of bed he'd collapse onto the ground like a helpless smeet he'd kick Dib's stupid head in. "Even in this stinking form I'm still an invader, we can withstand the most intense pain."

"Uhhu," Dib chuckled, leaning back on his chair, "Or maybe it was that your human body is tougher than your irken body?"

Zim was now wringing the bed sheets in a manner which he'd like to do to Dib's stupid neck. "Even in this horrible form I can kill you, Dib."

"Personally, I see it as an improvement," The young boy chuckled as he watched Zim fume helplessly from the bed.

"Oh laugh now human," Zim seethed, his teeth gritting together, "But once I'm out of this medical facility I'll go back to my proper form and inflict pain upon you the likes of which your gigantic head has never felt before!"

"My head is not gigantic!" Dib snapped back before relaxing slightly, "Besides, until then, you're going to be a red blooded human! It's going to be an amusing week I think, especially since I get to gloat the whole time."

"... I hate you, human," Zim venomously spat out, "You and your whole stinking pathetic race."

"Hey now," Dib commented with a very sly grin, "You're one of us! Don't be hating on your own race."

"I will NEVER be one of you!" Zim shouted back, his throat aching from the effort but he didn't care, he was furious and that fury was driving him right now, "And I'll kill every last one of you the moment I reverse this stupid condition!"

"Condition?" Dib mused to himself, ignoring the young man's hatred towards him, "Heh, you've got a serious case of the Human Condition."

Zim didn't reply. Right now he had never hated that boy more than he did right now. He turned away from him, going to fold his arms but finding his joints ached, so instead he went back to strangling the bed sheets. "What do you want, pathetic ape?" The former Irken asked slowly, "If you're here to gloat at me than just leave. I am in no mood to be pointed and laughed at."

"And here I was hoping to crack off at least a few more gags," Dib replied quickly, leaning forward, "No, Zim I'm not here to see you, although it is an added bonus," This drew a very hateful look from Zim so he moved on swiftly, "I'm actually here to see Gir." A sudden vicious grin appeared on his face, "I'm drilling him for information on you, he always did like to chat about his 'mastah'."

"WHAT?" Zim screamed instantly, his mind flooding again with questions, the most prominent of which were, "Why is he here? Where is he?"

Dib blinked at Zim, wondering for a moment if he was really being honest or just being stupid before slowly replying, "... he's-"

"WHERE IS HE!" Zim screeched again, earning an exasperated look from Dib.

"He's down the hall." Dib said quickly, "You didn't know he was here?"

"Why would I know? I've been knocked out since, well, since this," and he pointed at his body, "Happened!" He threw off the covers and immediately moved to get out of the bed, "I have to see him!"

He put both feet on the floor and went to stand up, Dib's eyes widening as he did so. Obviously he never expected Zim to feel well enough to get out of the bed. However, it was good he did stand up as Zim instantly wobbled and then stumbled sideways, falling onto his hands and knees.

"AGH!" He cried out, his hands hitting the floor hard and causing sharp pains to shoot through his arms, "CURSED HUMAN LEGS!"

"Can't you walk?" Dib asked curiously. He didn't help Zim, after all, why would he? But he was still interested in why Zim couldn't seem to stand straight.

Zim grabbed the bed and slowly pushed himself back up, supporting himself on wobbly legs. He scowled at himself, "This pathetic body, it's not doing what I want it to do. You humans are horrible legs."

"... I don't think it's that," Dib said thoughtfully, looking at Zim as he sat on the bed and carefully putting his legs back onto the floor. He looked him over again, Irken physiology wasn't so different from the human form, other than a few distinct changes, but Zim had walked fine before, so why was he collapsing now? He looked to Zim's hilariously, in Dib's opinion, bald head and suddenly it came to him. He snapped his fingers and smiled, "You're antennae!"

"What about them?" Zim said simply and with a frown at Dib. He raised a hand to his head before remembering his antennae had vanished before his eyes widened, "... I can't balance with my antennae."

"Interesting!" Dib grinned suddenly, walking to the end of Zim's bed, "I knew you smelt and listened through your antennae, but balance too? I wonder what else they did..."

"DO!" Zim commented harshly, "I'm not going to be staying in this wretched form!" He pushed again on his legs, this time being very careful to look to his feet and hold his arms out. He felt the same wave of dizziness was over him, his vision swimming a little. He stumbled, his arms wobbling at his sides, but he kept on his feet. He smirked in victory, "HA! See how the mighty Zim conquers even this lower form of a body!"

"You can take baby steps, very impressive," Dib replied sarcastically, "Tell me when you're running marathons."

"Shut up," Zim barked, knowing though he was in no position to really say anything. The world around him was still dizzy, but he began slowly taking 'baby steps' as Dib had called them, each one getting slightly more confident than the last.

After about a minute he'd made it to the door and almost fell onto it, grabbing the handle and pulling it open, hanging onto the door to make sure he didn't fall over. Dib stood behind him, grinning and watching the whole time. Zim growled at this and looked over to him, "You know I might not kill you so much if you actually give me some assistance."

"And miss out on the hilarious fun of you getting used to walking? No way," Dib laughed, strolling past him in an almost show-offy manner. "But I will show you to Gir's room, poor guy," His smile dropped, "He's hooked up to all kinds of things right now, he obviously wasn't used to feeling pain."

"Wait, what are you talking about?" Zim blinked at the other boy, "Gir is a robot, he doesn't feel anything."

Dib blinked, his eyes wide as he realised that Zim really had no idea what was going on here. "Oh... crap." He gulped as he looked down the hall, his smile and confidence now gone, "Zim...Gir's like you."

"Gir is nothing like me," Zim replied with what would be a raised eyebrow if he actually had any eyebrows, they had yet to grow onto his face along with his hair. However, he suddenly realised what Dib had meant, the device that had done this to him had hit Gir at the same time... "Oh..." His eyes hardened, "Show me where Gir is now, human, or I swear I'll break your legs and make you crawl there."  
"Come on," Dib instantly decided that making fun of Zim wasn't appropriate right now. Sure he hated the irken, or human as he now was, but he didn't hate Gir. Gir was more like an annoying little dog who you couldn't kick.

They moved as fast as they could, Zim keeping a hand firmly on the hospital wall as he followed Dib. He hated this, he hated being at the whim of his enemy, but dammit there was little else he could do right now. He refused to admit defeat of course, the moment they were out of this place he was going to slaughter that boy and his family and every breathing human on this stupid rock they called home.

But right now he had to make sure Gir was alright. He didn't have many allies on this planet and Gir was one of them, to make sure the little robot was okay was to make sure he had a helping hand when needed. Besides, Dib had already done enough damage to his body, he had to make sure Gir was still in fighting condition.

They passed a sign that read 'Intensive Care Unit' and Zim felt a cold chill run over him. The smell of sterilisation and disinfectant washed over the two as they entered the ward. It was the kind of smell that you couldn't ignore and it settled into their lungs as they breathed it in. They could taste bleach on their tongues and still, hidden under it, was always the smell of blood and vomit. Of broken bones, recent surgery and used bandages.

The beds were lined up in a row, each with their own space and each with a curtain hanging on a railing to one side. There were families visiting a few of the beds, others were simply sleeping alone, others were empty entirely which even within Zim set a feeling of deep haunting. He had been in hospitals before, wartime ones, and even the great Invader Zim could not help but feel a sense of cold horror in the pit of his being.

The whole scene sent a deep anger in Zim. This hospital was probably filled with germs and he was probably being infected with so many of them right now. There was little sign of the nurses other than one behind a desk on the other end of the room, and another talking to a patient and writing on a chart.

Why didn't humans take better care of their own? It was just another thing that made him hate this stupid race of violent apes.

"He's there," Dib suddenly announced, pointing to one of the beds and snapping Zim out of his anger.

It was almost surrounded in machines, plugs, wires, tubes, almost like some kind of sick experiment or examination of an unknown species. They hung over his tiny form like great cranes, leading long thin wires into his body, pumping in new, strange substances whilst others took them away.

Zim quickly wobbled over to the bed, Dib following slowly behind. Zim fell forward onto the bed, holding onto it as his vision stabilised again and his eyes looked to the figure resting silently.

His rust brown eyes grew large, but hard and cold. There was a small boy, perhaps no older than nine or ten in earth years. He, like Zim, was bald and hairless and he too was thin in statue. His skin was pale, but strangely, had the undeniable tan that Zim's now had.

It was hard to tell any more than that. The covers were pulled right up to his neck, and his arms, which lay limply at either side, were just the same as the rest of him, however, he had a drip leading to the top of his hand, his mouth was open slightly and one could hear a haggard, wheezing breath coming out of the small boy, probably aided by the pair of tubes going into his small but straight nose.

From under the covers of the bed came several more tubes, probably hooked to various parts of the young boy's body, pumping drugs of all kinds into him.

"Gir..." Zim breathed out, unable to take his eyes away from his once robotic companion. He realised now that whilst he had always been a living creature, one of skin and flesh, Gir had never been 'alive' in a sense of the word. He'd never felt true pain, so when the changes began kicking in, he must have collapsed. How they had found him, Zim didn't know, but it wasn't important.

"I have to get him out of this place," The invader muttered to himself, even as Dib walked up to his side, looking down at Gir with a calm sadness. "I have to get him back to my labs where I can fix him up properly."

"No," Dib spoke quietly but firmly, "He's human now, and this is a human hospital, he's best off here."

"NO!" Zim shouted back, his voice going croaky with the stress as he did, "He's MY robot! I'm taking him back to MY base and getting us BOTH put back to our normal forms!"

"Do you think he'd survive that in the state he is now?" Dib quickly responded, pointing at him as if to emphasise the point, "Look at him, Zim! Hell, look at yourself! You can barely walk, how do you expect to get yourself and Gir out of here and home without collapsing in the street?"

Zim was silent for a moment, knowing inside that the human was right but refusing to allow Dib to win. He couldn't let this stupid, stinking human push him around when he was weak, it wasn't the sign of a true invader to ever submit to the enemy, especially an enemy as repulsive and as disgusting as this one.

"Ma-master?" The silence between the two boys was broken by the sound of a small, weak voice coming from the bed.

The two turned their head to look to Gir, who had been woken by the sound of their arguing. Gir's eyes were barely open, but it was obvious he had wide, almost neon green eyes that seemed to light up his face, as well as a small, weak smile appearing on his lips. He was obviously overjoyed that Dib and Zim were there and he tried to sit up, however, instantly his new body commanded otherwise and he slumped back into the bed.

"Master, I can't get up," His voice was tiny and weak, obviously such a change had deeply hurt him, yet his mind was not able to grasp onto the reality of what had happened to him. "I don't feel well... I feel weird."

Zim frowned down on Gir, however, it was not one off anger, rather, it was the kind of look an officer gives to a wounded soldier who begs to be let out to fight, "Gir, I order you to stay in this bed."

"You look funny," Gir replied with a small, weak giggle, "Like a pig-smelly."

"Yes, I know," Zim gritted his teeth, giving an evil look to a clearly amused Dib before looking back to Gir, "But you do too. We're both pig-smelly's right now, which is why you feel weird."

"Dib!" Gir seemed to have just noticed the black coated young man standing at the end of the bed, his eyes getting wider as they did so, "Dib is here! And he brought his big head!"

Zim grinned at this, Dib didn't.

"Yes, he brought his big, smelly head," Zim commented quickly, looking around at the machines hooked into his little companion. He looked like he'd just been constructed and they'd yet to take away all the fuelling pumps. A machine beeped behind him, another made a strange wheezing sound, it was all so... unnatural, it wasn't right, Gir was not the kind of creature who deserved to be around such cold, clumsy machinery, even if he himself was a clumsy machine.

He had to show Gir however that he was still in charge, that he was going to get them out of this and to show Dib he was fearless, even at this low ebb. "Gir, I'm giving you an order, you are not allowed to leave this bed, do you understand me, Gir? Stay in this bed until I say you can leave."

Gir's look hardened and he tried to raise a hand to his head in salute, but he cried out as he tried to lift his arm and looked pathetically at Zim, "Yes sir."

"Good," Zim tried to look like he wasn't as weak as Gir by standing up straight, although he quickly grabbed a railing to steady himself, "We shall, erm, exploit these humans for all their pathetic care giving before we return back to the base and change ourselves back." A sudden idea hit him and he added, "Consider it an information gathering mission!"

"I like missions!" Gir replied, his look vanishing and being replaced with that joy that was irreplaceably Girish.

"I know you do, that's why I'm giving you one," Zim replied with a tiny hint of annoyance, but mostly, he just felt glad his little robot was still able to follow his orders.

Dib moved over to Gir's side and looked down at him, "Wow... I can't believe this all happened... I mean, it's just incredible."

"My bed smells like washing power," Gir replied simply and with a noticeable droop in his eyelids, "I feel really sleepy."

"Then power down," Zim commanded, "I will be down the hall," He pointed to the door, "That direction. So if you need me, scream until I get here, understand?"

"Yay!" Gir smiled, "Screaming is fun!"

"Yes, Gir, screaming is fun," Zim replied again, his voice cold, commanding, not betraying a lick of emotion for his little ex-robot friend. Dib was silently amazed. He would have thought Zim would have been far more worried about Gir's wellbeing after the way he reacted, but than, he seemed to have applied human emotions to the now human irken. He had to remember that Zim, even with five fingers and a working heart, was still an irken and irkens were selfish parasites who only used others to achieve their own ends.

It was part of why he wanted to drill Gir for info. Gir was selfless, and mindless, he didn't care what happened to him, he just wanted to have fun. Zim on the other hand... Zim was still the monster he had been when he'd arrived on earth and he would always be a monster, no matter what colour his skin was.

"Come on, Zim," Dib said simply, looking at the many hospital instruments that littered Gir's body before turning away, "Let's leave him."

Zim didn't reply to Dib, he didn't even move. He just watched as Gir drifted back off to sleep, the machines around him seemed to be holding him together, or rather, keeping him in the bed. It was as if they were the very ropes tying him to this new, horrible form. His robot, who had served him since the very beginning of this mission, the hardest of all the Invader missions, was now lying helpless in a bed being kept alive by the half assed care and badly put together technology of the enemy they'd been sent to kill.

His eyes moved over to Dib, who stood there so simply, so confident... so tauntingly victorious. All this was his fault, all of it, and he had the sheer gall to stand there and tell him to leave his own servant to recover.

Something inside Zim quietly flipped.

He turned and followed Dib slowly, holding onto the door and keeping a hand close to the wall as he took his babysteps out of the room. By the time he was outside, he stopped and fell against the wall, just under the 'Intensive Care Unit' sign.

He sighed deeply, he hated hospitals for this reason alone, seeing people, not just people in this case but a child, wired up and made into something less than human by the machines designed to keep him alive. Dib loved humanity deeply, but even he had to admit, sometimes their methods of healing were as terrifying as that often deemed unknown and alien.

"Well, at least he's awake now," He spoke simply, putting his hands to the cold wall and looking forward, "And talking, that's good." He wanted for Zim to reply, however, he heard nothing. Turning his head to look at the young man, he asked again, "Zim?"

Zim was indeed looking at him, but instantly the gaze sent a terrible fear through Dib. It was the kind of gaze Zim summoned when he was especially angry with him, he'd seen it only a true handful of times, one of the most memorable was when he'd left him to the demons residing in his mind. That cold, hard, furious rage which always helped remind Dib that whilst Zim was an idiotic psychopath who claimed he was some superior being, he could still harness a rage which was truly animalistic, barbaric and utterly unforgiving.

"Zim," Dib's voice trembled slightly and he raised his hands up slowly in defence, "Zim I didn't know this would happen I-"

The young man yelped as he suddenly felt the full force of Zim's body hit him, knocking him to the floor and almost winding him. He tried to shout, his arms raising to grab onto his attacker, but he felt a pair of hands wrap around his throat, cutting out any possible sound. Zim was surprisingly strong, although how Dib had thought otherwise he didn't know, perhaps Zim's weakened body had fooled him.

"I HATE YOU!" Zim screamed as he pressed his thumbs onto Dib's adams apple, "I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU! LOOK WHAT YOU'VE DONE TO US! I'LL KILL YOU!"

The young man could feel his lungs demanding air and he began to panic slightly, however, he quickly forced himself to get over the shock of Zim's assault and summoned his own anger to throw Zim off him. Again, he was surprised, Zim's grasp was hard, but not unbreakable. One had shove onto his chest quickly sent lightning shocks of pain rushing through the still healing boy, weakening his gasp and making him yelp.

Dib took the opportunity to roll onto his side, pushing Zim off him in the same move. The boy fell to the floor with a thud as Dib almost jumped away, getting back onto his feet quickly and breathing heavily. He didn't take his eyes off his enemy however, again he'd let his guard down around the alien, even as a human he was still as insane as he always had been.

"Damn, Zim!" Dib exclaimed with a slightly wheezy tone, massaging his throat as he did, "Calm down! I didn't mean for all this to happen!"

"LIES!" Zim cried out from the floor, not wanting to get up and wobble about. He felt pathetic, this horrible human body was betraying him at every turn. He couldn't walk, he couldn't fight, no wonder the entire human race was barely past living in piles of mud after several thousand years of evolution. "Horrible stinking LIES! You did this just to hurt me! To hurt Gir! You're trying to make me as debased and as worthless as your entire race!"

Dib didn't know what to say, he'd never really seen Zim this mad at something before, ever. Sure he'd seen Zim mad, furious, insane with rage to the point of blowing up buildings in his anger, but this was... this was something else. He could _hear_ something in his voice. This entire situation had tapped into something dark and buried deep in Zim's psyche and right now, Dib was not prepared to deal with it.

"Look you moron," Dib shouted back as his voice returned to him, "I didn't do this on purpose! I didn't know you'd end up like this, hell I didn't even know what that damn device even did! So don't go blaming me for things that you invented!"

"I never remember inventing that damn cursed thing," Zim growled back, his fingernails scraping the floor, "You brought it to MY base!"

"Look, whatever, alright?" Dib waved a hand at his enemy, "Who did what isn't important right now, you wanna get back to being Irken and, honestly, I'd rather hand you over to the Swollen Eyeballs as an alien than a human."

"HA!" Zim slowly began crawling back up the wall, using two hands to steady himself as he did so, "Like I'm going to let you help me go back to my true form. You can stay as far away from me as possible, Dib stink."

"I don't know if you noticed Zim, but I'm already helping you," Dib slowly let a chuckle form on his face. Even now he couldn't help but be an ass to his enemy, after all, his would surely score him a major advantage in their future battles. "Healthcare in this country isn't free."

"Healthcare in the Empire is free," Zim commented quickly and in a low tone of voice, "So what's your point?"

Dib raised an eyebrow at this odd little bit of information before continuing, "I'm paying for your healthcare here... well, technically my father is paying, but he won't notice the money gone."

"WHAT?" Zim exploded again, his eyes growing wide and then narrowing again in pure rage, "Oh... I see your sneaky plan Dib-monster, you hope to lord this over me as some kind of bargaining chip!"

"Wow, you got something right for once," Dib commented, folding his arms, "Right now you and Gir are in my pocket, literally, so if you want to get better you'll co-operate in telling me certain secrets when you get out of this place. Like saaay... the location of the Massive, or the size of your fleet, or when they'll all get here." He chuckled, moving quickly back and out of Zim's leaping range, not wanting a repeat of what happened a minute ago, "Besides, humans help each other out, we call it _charity_, from one human to another."

"... I'm going to boil you alive," Zim growled out, his eyes flashing with a terrible anger, even as he inwardly cursed his body for not being able to express his rage at his malevolent benefactor, "I'm going to sell your body to Foodcortia and you'll be served as burgers to random aliens across the galaxy."

"I'm sure I'll taste wonderful," Dib slyly commented, feeling a little disturbed at Zim's threat, but not showing it. Zim was always more talk than action anyway, it was part of why he enjoyed the back and forth between them, the invader always managed to come up with the most ridiculous of threats. "For now, go back to bed, get some rest." Dib turned and almost walked off before pausing and looking back, "Oh, just so you know, humans sleep too. May wanna try that out."

Zim watched in silence as his enemy, who right now even he had to admit had a huge lead on him in their little war, walked away. Turning, he wobbled back to his room, collapsing onto the bed and crawling under the covers, suddenly feeling cold. His eyes were narrow, angry. He wanted vengeance for all of this, for Dib practically crippling him in this way. When he was back to his normal self, he would make Dib an irken and then he'd know the pain of what it was like to be ripped from everything you've ever known, even your own blood.

He curled in his bed, his eyelids feeling heavy as this strange tired feeling swept over him suddenly. Yes, when he was back to normal, he'd make everyone on this horrible worthless rock pay.

* * *

_Well here it is. The first chapter of the epic return of Sid to . Too long has the front page of the IZ fanfiction been filled with 'MY OC CALLED SPARKLES MCFUNPANTS GOES ON AN ADVENTURE WITH ZIM HURP DURP.' Yeah that's enough of that.  
Time to put something epic and awesome and more than 300 words up on this place. _

_Anyway, I hope you all enjoyed this first chapter. Please, **PLEASE**, review and tell me what you think, feedback is very very important to me as a writer. Also, if you want to see larger chapters going to 8000 words or more, or shorter chapters. Obviously shorter chapters would update more often, but larger chapters would have more content. _

_I cannot promise absolutely regular updates, obviously being the busy, university going person that I am sometimes updates will be slower than others, but I will promise high quality work nonetheless._

_Lastly, to prove I am working on each chapter, I will post a little teaser from each new chapter at the end of these chapters. So until next time, enjoy your teaser and again, please review! _

He laughed and commented, "Looks like we have a convert here."

"He is NOT a convert!" Zim screamed back, shaking a fist at him, "He's a highly trained killing machine!"

Gir waved his arms and cheered, "YAY KILLING MACHINES!"

"See!" Zim folded his arms proudly, "He's a completely unstoppable being of doom."


	3. Mock Charity

_After a bit of experimenting with another story, which is proving highly successful, I have decided to take the lessons learned to this story too. I realised the first chapter in this was... waaaaay too big and annoying. People don't want big and annoying, they want to the point, short, good stories. _

_I realise now that perhaps I was pouring too much on my readers at once. From now on, I will provide shorter, but much better chapters with less crap to dig through! _

_So without further adoooo, here is the next chapter of the story! Enjoy!_

* * *

It had been a long two weeks. Dib had come in almost every day gloating over him, telling him how no one at skool had talked about him or even missed him. Zim had been forced to sit there day after day listening to the annoying little human and his stupid head. However, even though he'd been told off by the ugly nurses for getting out of his bed, he'd been working on walking around, as well as a few other disgusting human practices like going to the toilet.

He hated doing that, it made him feel so gross.

Gir however was getting better. He'd been taken out of Intensive Care Unit and placed in what they call an 'Observation Ward'. Zim had been forced to walk down the hallway and tell Gir to let go of his bed to allow the nurses to move him, but even so, he was glad the boy was gaining strength, it only meant that they'd be able to escape this horrible place sooner than he hoped.

Still, he had found this experience so far very... interesting, for lack of a better word. He had made some nice observations on the human race at least, which he could use to further his utter annihilation of their entire race. Apparently they valued 'rich' people like himself, even though he had no money other than the human currency he kept in his base for purely infiltration reasons, Dib's patronage of his healthcare was very well received with the medical class in the hospital.

He planned to use this to his advantage in his next world domination attempt. If he could acquire all of the humans worthless wealth, than he would control them all.

Right now the irken was looking at himself in the small mirror in his room, frowning at the clothes the Dib-monster had given to him out of that detestable word he kept using. His 'charity' was nothing but a mocking hand thrown to a wounded soldier. Zim frowned at this, even as he picked at the t-shirt, the little human had no honour whatsoever.

The clothes he was wearing were equally as pathetic as his benefactor, black pants and a black t-shirt with his father's face on it and 'Probing the Membrane of Science' written around him in a circle.

He had been noticing for the last couple of days that a jet black fuzz of hair had been appearing on his head, as well as what he knew humans called eyebrows. It seemed that his body was still adapting to changes, but as of the moment, he felt no more pain or aches. If anything, he was still wondering why they were keeping him around. Even so, he didn't want to leave without Gir, they were a team, and he had already theorised that he couldn't change back on his own anyway.

He huffed, deciding that his clothing wasn't going to get any better than this and returned back to sitting on his bed. The biggest thing about this place was the crushing boredom of it all. He had nothing to do, absolutely nothing, just sit about and watch TV. Occasionally he escaped from his room and visited Gir, making sure the young boy was recovering as planned.

Gir seemed unphased by everything that had been happening, if anything, he was happy to be able to eat things again, although he'd eaten too much and gotten sick. He was also now enjoying the growth of his hair, which almost opposed to Zim's coal black hair, was a deep metallic silver. Why it'd turned out like that Zim couldn't explain, although when Dib had noticed he'd babbled something about gene memory or image construction or something.

He ran a hand slowly over his head, feeling the rough hair under his fingers. The human body was so... disgusting, more so than he'd even thought. Every bit of it seemed to ooze and leak with something, these human creatures expelled water like it was poison, which wasn't really surprising considering how acidic their natural water seemed to be but now he could drink it, and it tasted horrible.

Purified water was much better for the body, even the human body it seemed, pathetic as it was. He also noticed how foods tasted different, it seemed human taste buds also acted differently to his own, they seemed to base a lot of the taste on the smell of the food, not just the actual flavours. Strange.

He grunted, falling back onto his bed and turning on the pulldown TV he had. There was nothing ever good on... ever and it cost a stupid amount of money to keep on too, but he'd be damned if he was going to miss Oprah. That woman had taught him so much about human nature like how most of the human race were stupid, insane creatures who thought with their fists or their sex organs.

He didn't get a chance to view his television however, as the moment he even turned it on there was a knock at the door. Zim growled in annoyance, it was probably another ugly nurse to give him medicine, what did she call it, tie-lee-noll? Whatever it was it tasted absolutely horrible.

Zim looked away to the window and frowned as the door opened, "Go away. Zim does not wish to eat any more tie-lee-noll today, I am feeling fine."

"How about a punch in the mouth?" The visitor growled back, causing Zim to turn his head to the familiar voice.

Standing there was a young girl, a year younger than Dib, with a shock of purple hair which came around her face in a manner which reminded one of a pair of jaws, curling down at her forehead and up at her chin, other sharp, almost spiky curls ended around her neck. Her eyes were small and narrow in a strange change from Dib's wide eyes, but one could still see the glints of their shared amber-gold pupils.

She was wearing a typical long black dress which ended at her thighs, however, she was also wearing a pair of black pants and, under her dress, a purple shirt. Around her neck was a skull necklace and on each ear were a pair of earrings also shaped like skulls.

Her body was also approaching puberty, evident by her developing body. She was taller, though not as tall as Dib and her body was filling out, perhaps a little too much. She had put on weight, it was obvious, even her cheeks were a little more rounded than in her youth.

"Gaz?" Zim raised an eyebrow at this surprising visitor, "What are you doing here?"

"Wow Zim," She commented, her eyes travelling over his form, "You look... weird."

Typical that neither of them would have started their conversation with pleasantries. Zim had talked to Gaz a few times, perhaps more than Dib would like to think and he'd basically realised that any conversation with Gaz usually resulted in blunt statements.

"Gee, thanks," He spat out with a frown before he looked away again, "I take it the Dib-stick was too busy polishing his big fat head to bother mocking me today."

"Actually no," Gaz replied bluntly, walking over to the side of the bed and dropping the plastic bag onto it, "I came to drop off some clothes, thought you'd be sick of the hospital ones."

Zim looked back to Gaz with a raised eyebrow, not yet uncrossing his arms and with a thick suspicion in his voice. "Why would you bring me, the mighty Zim, clothes?"

Gaz shrugged, "I had my tonsils taken out last year, I had to wear horrible bright hospital clothes." She seemed to shudder at the memory, "And besides, Dib picked them out for you, thought I'd get a good chuckle out of seeing you dressed up like an idiot."

The former irken frowned deeply at Gaz before looking to the bag, "I refuse to wear anything that Dib-stink picked out, he can barely dress himself."

The young teenage girl smirked a little before sitting on the bed and getting out some of the clothes, "You're not wrong there."

This was why Zim could often tolerate Gaz more than Dib. She was certain on his list of 'useful slaves' when he took over the earth, unlike every other pathetic ape on this rock, she actually had a brain to think with... plus she insulted Dib.

He frowned deeply again as he looked over the truly stupid clothes Dib had picked out for him. Several pairs of very childish looking underpants, two pairs of black pants and five t-shirts, which Zim couldn't help but wonder at as Gaz tossed them onto the bed.

"Why do all these t-shirts have I, a weird red symbol, and the name of one of your major economic centres on the front?" He picked one up that apparently came from Atlanta. It was white, he hated white coloured things, white after all being the colour greatly associated with death and mourning within Irken society.

"Because dad never knows what to get us when he's off on his business trips," Gaz replied coldly, a strange note of annoyance in her voice, although who it was aimed at Zim couldn't tell, "So he always gets us these stupid t-shirts. Looks like Dib's dumping his onto you."

"He's a complete idiot," Zim growled out as he threw the t-shirt onto the small pile, "You can take these back and throw them at him, Zim does not wish for his pity, Zim grows stronger each day and soon I'll be able to break out of this horrible medical centre and get back to my home!"

Gaz was silent for a moment before looking to the door, "And what about Gir?"

"Gir is fine," He waved a hand in the air, "He may have not been Irken, but he was Irken-made, and thus he heals as fast as anything designed or produced by my glorious and amazing people."

The young teenage girl didn't really reply, other than a very small 'hum' before she moved off the bed and walked over to the door, "I'm going to go and talk to him, Dib should be here soon." However, almost just as soon as she'd opened the door, she paused and stepped back as Gir burst into the room, leaping over to Zim and grabbing him in a hug.

"MASTER!" He shouted and grinned as he squeezed Zim tightly, "They said I could go with Dib 'cos they have news to tell us about stuff!"

Dib slowly followed after him, breathing heavily. Zim could only guess how long he'd given young teenager the run around before finally letting him bring him to Zim's room. He even stopped to lean against the wall, panting slightly, "Jeez, how can someone so small be so fast?"

"Great, now I have to spend more time around you people," Gaz mumbled, storming over to the corner of the room and grabbing a chair, sitting onto it and turning on her Gameslave II.

Dib shot her an annoyed look before turning his eyes to Zim, "Hey, we were told to come in here for something, apparently they think you and Gir are brothers or something so whatever they tell you they want to tell both of you."

"Unless it is being allowed to get out of this dump, then I don't care," Zim spat out quickly, "I just want to get back to finding out how to reverse this horrible... thing."

"I like being a stinky human!" Gir said loudly, sitting right next to Zim and swinging his legs over the edge of the bed, "I can eat ice cream and be sick and go to the toilet!"

Zim rolled his eyes at Gir's statement before looking over to Dib's annoying grin. He laughed and commented, "Looks like we have a convert here."

"He is NOT a convert!" Zim screamed back, shaking a fist at him, "He's a highly trained killing machine!"

Gir waved his arms and cheered, "YAY KILLING MACHINES!"

"See!" Zim folded his arms proudly, "He's a completely unstoppable being of doom."

"Your 'completely unstoppable being of doom' just spent fifteen minutes making me chase him around the ward because he couldn't find a sock." Dib quickly sniped back.

Zim was about to comment more and engage in their usual duel of insults, but they were both interrupted when a tall, almost gangly nurse walked into the room. She carried what looked to be some kind of electronic pad in one hand and a black pointer in the other, her hair slightly fizzed with stress and her blue eyes long since lost the sparkle they had for this sort of work. "Mr Redavni?"

"Redavni?" Zim questioned suddenly, "I know no Redavni."

"Yes you do!" Dib suddenly interjected, his eyes wide, looking from Zim then to the Nurse, "He totally does, he's just kidding."

The nurse didn't seem to buy it however and she held her chart to her chest, raising an eyebrow, "... do you know who you are? You're Zim Redavni, your brother there is Gir Redavni."

"She said ma name!" Gir grinned happily.

"I am Zim!" The young human replied quickly and with a shake of his fist, "But I do not know-"

"Of course you're Zim Redavni," Dib said suddenly, giving a glare at the invader, "I mean, it's not like you're some kind of alien or something, is it?"

"... YES I AM ZIM REDAVNI!" Zim suddenly screeched, again wondering why Dib was putting his neck out for him like this, but than again, he knew it was all part of Dib's plan to totally rub it in his face that he was human now. Still, if it got him out of this hospital, he would take any opportunity. He grabbed Gir and put on a very large smile, flashing his new human teeth, "And this is my... little brother! My very stupid little brother! Gir! Gir Redavni!"

In the corner, Gaz snorted in amusement.

"... well okay," The nurse gave him another sharp look before putting her eyes to her chart, "Well, from what we can tell, there's nothing wrong with either of you. We simply can't explain why you collapsed and lost your hair, although it's growing back fine. You're both a pair of healthy young boys."

"So can we go home now?" Zim immediately pushed, "I have... things to do."

Now Dib snorted, but he said nothing, he just grinned away Zim's look of pure anger.

"Well, we would let you go home as long as your parents sign you out," The nurse commented simply, "But it seems that you have no parents on record."

Zim's blood ran cold. He hadn't thought that the hospital would want such details and it wasn't like he could just get the robo-parents to come out and sign whatever needed to be signed, they could barely be allowed out the house considering how broken their AI was.

Amazingly, and again very strangely, Dib stepped forward, "He's an orphan, from another country, some European country." Even Gaz looked up at this, she'd never seen her brother so determined to be on Zim's side before. "He's a study for my father."

The invader nodded, "What he said."

Gir copied Zim's motion almost exactly, "What he said."

"... and your father is?" The nurse asked Dib suddenly, her pen resting on her pad.

"Professor Membrane," Dib's voice seemed to take an odd dip when speaking his father's name, it reminded Zim of the way Gaz had talked about her father, but again, the moment he heard it, it was gone, "He's been paying for his healthcare."

She paused, looking to her pad, hitting it a few times before her eyes widened, "Oh... OH. Oh I'm sorry, yes of course, as soon as the Professor says it's okay you can go."

"Zim demands to go," The invader demanded again, "I need no permission to leave this place."

"You do when someone is paying for you to be here," the nurse replied frowning at the young man. It was pretty clear Zim wasn't her favourite patient.

"Gir wants to go hooooome," Gir whined suddenly and somewhat loudly, it seemed the young boy didn't do anything quietly.

Dib turned back to the nurse and quickly explained, "Look, my dad is a very busy man as I'm sure you know, so, you know, how about you just let me call his office and get his verbal permission?"

The nurse raised an eyebrow in thought at this before shrugging and nodding, "Sure why not, he donated a ward after all."

"That was nice of him," Gaz suddenly announced from the back of the room, an unmistakable tone of bitterness in her voice.

The whole process only took a few moments, Dib put his father, or rather, his father's security on speaker phone and they had their answer of 'yeah sure whatever' in only a few moments before being disconnected. This seemed good enough for the nurse, who told Zim to gather his and Gir's stuff and go. Where he was going, well, the hospital simply assumed he'd be going with Dib and Gaz.

Dib had, again, been strangely fine with the idea. However, after gathering up all his clothes in a bag provided by the hospital, he followed Gaz and Dib outside, Gir holding onto his shirt and trotting behind happily.

Zim however was not happy. Whilst Gir was overjoyed to get out the hospital, as he was overjoyed at anything and everything, Zim's mind was running. His eyes were locked onto the back of Dib's big head. He was up to something, something that wasn't just his mock charity. Mock charity didn't extend to providing a roof and medical care for your worst enemy. Yes, the moment Dib thought he was safe and sound and in control in his own horrible little home, Zim would be there. He would corner him, smash his face into the wall and demand to know what was going on in that huge head of his.

No one helped their nemesis this much without good reason.

* * *

_SO THAT'S THE CHAPTER FOLKS!_

_Yes I know, nothing really happened here. Sorry, the reason for that is that originally there was WAY MORE than this. Like a ton more. But I decided to cut it out so that everything moved quicker.  
_

_For this chapter at least, we are introduced to Gaz and we are given some new questions about Dib. Why is he helping Zim so much? What is he hiding?  
_

_ANSWERS WILL BE NEXT CHAPTER! BWAHAHA. And to prove it's coming, here is a bit from the next chapter. _

Dib was always amazed to see Zim's lab. It was gigantic for one, almost as big as his dad's, just stretching in all directions like some great expansive cave. He remembered Zim gloating that it took up almost four whole blocks, all underground of course and with three separate levels. But the look of it all, Dib knew it was the closest he'd ever get to stepping foot on Irk. It had this strange pink hue to it all, with dark purples and black and red thrown in. There were oddly few angles, almost everything seemed curved and softly shaped and yet it was so organised, threatening and jagged.

_Read, review, comments, critiques, questions, ask em all and I will answer! TILL NEXT TIME KIDS!_


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